Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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