you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
