I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
