I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize