in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
