so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
