I want to make a zoo with you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
