Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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