You're earring is so big in my mouth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
