you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize