Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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