a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
