We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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