My friends, they love my intelligence
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
