But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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