Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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