I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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