i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
