Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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