So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize