haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize