Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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