im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize