he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
