Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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