He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
