Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
