Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
