I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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