my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
