I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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