Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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