The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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