I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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