I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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