Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
