That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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