Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
