My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
