please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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