We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
