For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
