hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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