dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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