i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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