Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
