if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
