I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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