It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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