Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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