kristin has been a bad kristin
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
