I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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