it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
