I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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