yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
