theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
