If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize