he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
