theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
