Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
