The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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