Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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