Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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