sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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