I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize