She is in my trunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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