they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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