Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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