no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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