im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
