He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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