dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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