she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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