is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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