Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how drunk are you?
Several
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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