Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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